I am but a TINY seed! March 18, 2009

One year, I would like to be able to just jump right into the Fast on Day One, to be immediately more spiritually aware, and more in-tune to the opportunity for recharging that is the Fast.

(To learn more about the Baha’i Fast, visit: http://info.bahai.org/article-1-4-7-2.html.)

As seems to be the case year after year, it takes me a few days to really transition into the Fast, to really grasp, on levels that are most important, what it is that I can gain from this period of time, should I make the effort, myself, to do so. Then, throughout the Fast, some days are more in tune than others.

Well, this morning, Day 17 (of 19) was one of those mornings where, as I continued my morning after breakfast, I felt a longing to sit for a moment and remember God, and my connection to that Creator. This is one of the most rewarding feelings – the re-awakening of a natural inclination to commune with one’s Maker. It’s very hard to feel this all the time, at least for me. And, so, this morning was a special gift.

I opened my prayer book to this prayer:

“Glorified art Thou, O Lord my God! I give Thee thanks inasmuch as Thou hast called me into being in Thy days, and infused into me Thy love and Thy knowledge. I beseech Thee, by Thy name whereby the goodly pearls of Thy wisdom and Thine utterance were brought forth out of the treasuries of the hearts of such of Thy servants as are nigh unto Thee, and through which the Daystar of Thy name, the Compassionate, hath shed its radiance upon all that are in Thy heaven and on Thy earth, to supply me, by Thy grace and bounty, with Thy wondrous and hidden bounties.

These are the earliest days of my life, O my God, which Thou hast linked with Thine own days. Now that Thou hast conferred upon me so great an honor, withhold not from me the things Thou hast ordained for Thy chosen ones.

I am, O my God, but a tiny seed which Thou hast sown in the soil of Thy love, and caused to spring forth by the hand of Thy bounty. This seed craveth, therefore, in its inmost being, for the waters of Thy mercy and the living fountain of Thy grace. Send down upon it, from the heaven of Thy loving-kindness, that which will enable it to flourish beneath Thy shadow and within the borders of Thy court. Thou art He Who watereth the hearts of all that have recognized Thee from Thy plenteous stream and the fountain of Thy living waters.

Praised be God, the Lord of the worlds.”

~ Revealed by Bahá’u'lláh

The line, “I am, O my God, but a tiny seed which Thou has sown in the soil of Thy love,” has been put to music by The Dawnbreaker Collective (among others, I’m sure). You can hear this track on their site: http://www.dawnbreakercollective.com/ Just click up to track number 18 under the “ARISE – Dawbreaker Colective” album cover image on the left-hand side. It’s a tremendously celebratory and prayerful! There’s nothing like repetition when trying to really work an idea into one’s mind.

Well, as I sat and meditated on the words of the above prayer after reading them aloud, I was reminded of one of my favorite quotations made by ‘Abdu’l-Bahá, the son of Bahá’u'lláh:

“Strive that your actions day by day may be beautiful prayers. Turn towards God, and seek always to do that which is right and noble.”

Both of these pieces made me think about the way I behave at my place of work, and in general, of course. It made me wonder, do I serve the people around me to the best of my ability? Do I try my utmost to transcend frustration and offenses? Do I try diligently to relinquish my “right” to be offended by others? Do I seek to bring joy to those with whom I interact?

“I want you to be happy, laugh, smile and rejoice, that others may be made happy by you.” Another quotation by ‘Abdu’l-Bahá.

As a Baha’i, I must seek to reflect the qualities of God with excellence. This day, I am moved to acknowledge that I’m likely somewhere near “mediocre.” Time to get to work.

Then, another quotation comes to mind: “As ye have faith, so shall your powers and blessings be.” This statement was actually made by Bahíyyih Khánum, the daughter of Bahá’u'lláh, a woman as steadfast and fearless as all the women our collective hopes long to emulate. To me, she seems to remind that, while our efforts are in large part guided by our free will, it is our faith which gives us the power to carry out those efforts which are, usually, most difficult – becoming the images of God, excellent in our merciful-ness, courage, compassion, kindness, hopefulness, love.

The truth of a situation is, in most cases, as multifaceted as the ideas brought forth by these quotations. Only with many facets in clear vision does my soul start to vibrate with their meaning.

In this moment, those vibrations have reached my heart and it is full of gratitude: there is so much to strive for, and – thanks be to God! – there is no shortage of inspiration to motivate us along the way.

Actually Making the World the Way We Want It March 2, 2009

Recently my husband and I purchased a dozen of those bright, can’t-help-but-be-happy-when-ya-see-’em Gerber daisies, and some iridescent card stock, to create a simple invitation.  The invitation defined a devotional gathering, “a time to refresh our spirits with the sharing of prayers, poems, meditations, or other sources of inspiration.”  Naturally, being aware of the typical climate around discussions of religion or spirituality in the common discourse of our nation, Alex and I were uncertain of what the reaction of our neighbors would be to our very sincere, and hopeful invitation.

To be clear, as members of the Baha’i Faith, it is our (Alex’s and my) commitment, along with some 6 million Bahá’ís around the world, to support what are considered essential activities in the development of a way of community life that is: devotional in nature, that considers the need of children and youth for guidance which is empowering, compassionate and supportive in nature, that is actively involved in the improvement of one’s community, and that builds strong connections between people, unhindered by social norms.

In other words, what I have recently come to understand in a much more concrete sense than I had before, is that as Bahá’ís the goal of our “outreach” efforts is not in terms of “I’ll tell this person about the Bahá’í Faith only if they ask me because I don’t want them to think I’m pressuring them,” or “my gathering is only successful if lots of people come to it wanting to know about the Bahá’í Faith,” and definitely not in terms of proselytizing or coersion (practices prohibited in the Bahá’í Faith).  The goal is to offer to everyone who is interested in knowing, a vision of a way of life that is, ultimately, opposite in many ways, from that which dominates our current society, and the practical tools to learn about how to make that happen.  As human beings we all know in the place of ourselves which is most obvious to us when we look hardest, that a set of phrases epitomizing the utopic is not sufficient.  Satisfaction can be found in a process of growth, characterized by an attitude of learning, that is made up practical tools, accessible to every individual, which seeks to push humanity towards an uplifting, action-oriented, and ever-advancing society.  And that’s what devotionals, childrens’ classes, study circles, and junior youth groups are.

The potential of the success of these efforts, building blocks to a functional society, are all centered on the conviction that, “Man is, in reality, a spiritual being, and only when he lives in the spirit is he truly happy” (‘Abdu’l-Bahá).  And, ” O SON OF SPIRIT! Noble have I created thee, yet thou hast abased thyself. Rise then unto that for which thou wast created” (Bahá’u'lláh).

Truly, humanity has longed for a society founded on integrity, open-mindedness, and proactive effort.  How long we have sought to find the right political arrangement, the perfect economic solution, the proper designations between church and state, the rich and the poor,  and any other number of other formula to make the world the “peaceful planet” of our collective dreams.  How long we have tried!  And, how is that going for us?  Truly, as a friend of mine recently noted, it is, in fact, naive to think that what we’re doing now is working, or ever will.  As Einstein said, “No problem can be solved from the same consciousness that created it.  We must learn to see the world anew.”

As I reflect on my husband’s and my efforts to hold a devotional with our neighbors, I notice that some things once considered petrifyingly foreign, like knocking on a neighbors door to introduce myself, or following through on an idea that resonates with my very soul even though it might sound just a little bit odd, are now rapidly becoming essential and necessary to my life.  I am eager to really know the people that I live not twenty feet from, to feel free to look at life positively without being considered “innocent of the ways of the world,” and to be one of the people who did not just sit around and complain about all of the bad things in the world, but actually worked at building up something to replace them.

That’s about the simplest way I can put it. October 9, 2008

I’m the nice girl with the nose ring.  Sometimes I feel forgiving of anything anyone might judge, other times I feel plain annoyed.  Some people tell me I see that things don’t have to be so hard, and yet I’ll have a difficult time choosing between two soap dispensers (the cheap one, and the pretty one).  I love to laugh and be happy, but I’m also sensitive and sometimes take things personally.  I am easy-going and laid back, yet I’m most relaxed after I’ve cleaned and organized everything.  I thrive off of being around people of quality, confidence, joy and spirit, and other times I just like to be on my own, with no plan in mind.  I love being outdoors, watching the rain, and feeling energy rush through my limbs, but a good movie and a bowl of popcorn will also completely distract me.  Sometimes I feel mature, in-charge and content, and other times I feel silly, girlish and like there is still so much to strive for.  I’m half spirit, half body.  That’s about the simplest way I can put it.

apples, humdingers, silk worms and vocabulary May 1, 2008

I was recognized by my fifth grade teacher sitting in the car next to me at a stop light today. It was really great! …and kinda awkward when all you can do is smile and wave until the light changes…

I can’t even remember the last time I saw my fifth grade teacher. Fifth grade would be a good guess. Though, I know there was one random run-in in more recent years. Seeing him was notable not only because he taught me all that a fifth grader should know according to the state of Oregon, but also because he was one of the most memorable teachers from my elementary school experience.

Everyone has a teacher such as this. They mark their place in your mind forever. My fifth grade teacher did this through apples, “humdingers,” silk worms and vocabulary.

While all the other kids at my little Corvallis elementary school were rotting their teeth out with candy on Holloween Day (something admittedly very appealing to me at the time), Mr. Eldon fed his class apples! “Apples?!” says anyone who’s experienced the joy of filling up an entire pillow case with delicious, dangerous confections. That’s what I said, too – at first.

On the day of Halloween, right after lunch, all of Mr. Eldon’s students made their way back to his portable classroom that stood between the wall ball courts and the monkey bars. Upon entering, all the little fifth graders saw an array of sliced apples sitting on each desk. There must have been 24 varieties! They were soft and yellow, shiny and red, enticing and green. There was even one apple the size of a softball! That’s the Braeburn variety; I still remember. We were all invited to walk around the room to each desk, and to take a slice to sample. Mr. Eldon encouraged us to taste a bite with care, to notice the difference between the textures, sweetness, sourness, and crispness. A room of 24 twelve year-olds were entranced by a room full of fruit! It was magical and miraculous.

The “humdinger,” Mr. Eldon’s second accomplishment as far as my childhood memories are concerned, was a contraption that, upon introduction, was nothing more than a bunch of ’stuff’ inside of a brown paper-bag that could transport a small marble from a whole at the top to a slide at the opposite, bottom corner. Mr. Eldon has us stand around this “humdinger” while he set the marble through it’s course a few times over. He told us to watch, listen, and try to imagine what was happening on the inside. Guesses of tiny trained gerbils, and anti-gravity controllers danced through our little fifth-grade minds. Then, Mr. Eldon put us into groups, gave us a bag with all the ’stuff’ and said, “Go!” We were to create our own “humdinger” with nothing more than our imaginations and the memory of our senses! It took several days of time between recess and ’science,’ but we eventually did it! Oh, the glory of the moment when the marble would reach the end of the track, our own emerging geniuses having been the sole arrangers of the ’stuff’ inside.

Now, while the “humdingers” were very, very inspiring, perhaps slightly more inspiring only for their “being alive” quality were the silk-worms we raised. Mr. Eldon brought one for each student. I don’t know how or from where he procured them. Regardless, one small silk-worm found a home in each of our fifth-grader-sized desks. We were instructed to be very tidy with our papers and school supplies during the duration of their stay. After a short time, we found that the silk worms had settled in nicely, and proved to be quite content to provide their own silk. The little worms accompanied us from the warmth of their cocoons while Mr. Eldon taught us about the history of the Silk Roads. Some time later, the worms emerged as lovely soft moths. Mr. Eldon may or may not have told us at the time that they only live as moths for one week – seven days!!! No, I’m sure I just blocked that part out.

I do remember the vocabulary. When I joined Mr. Eldon’s class, I was new to Corvallis. My family had just moved south from Aloha, Oregon. I went from knowing all the students in my elementary school – a school small enough and old enough to be ‘principled’ by one of it’s own original students 60 years later – to being so very shy. Maybe because of said shyness and my subsequent habit of keeping quiet, maybe because of standard procedure for a new student, I was given both advanced vocabulary homework and standard vocabulary homework.

On one of the advanced vocabulary assignments, we were to learn and understand the word, “conceive.” I looked it up, found myself blushing a little, and then relieved at definition number two. I wrote down the latter in my homework.

The next day, Mr. Eldon was correcting our work. He called me over to his desk.

“Tia, do you know what conceive means?”

I blushed, again. “Yes.” Jumping ahead so as to avoid anything embarrassing, I said indignantly, “It also means to come up with an idea!” So, not so shy after all.

Mr. Eldon hid a smile and said, “Yes, that’s right, Tia. Thank you!

I turned on my heel back to my desk thinking: “I know what “conceive” means.” Precocious little thing.

I doubt Mr. Eldon remembers those small moments that held fast to the repository of experiences belonging to a twelve-year-old. But, I do. Those are the kind of memories that are proof of a true teacher; a teacher, from Latin, is one who ’shows.’ So, with a smile and a wave, as the street signal turns from red to green, I say to Mr. Eldon, “Thank you.”

What Benjamin Franklin would say about America today. December 8, 2007

Benjamin Franklin used to be a random guy with white hair who helped the country get on its feet a few hundred years ago. I couldn’t remember if he was the guy who started libraries, or chopped down a tree, or had a wooden eye (what?!). I know, ridiculous. How could I call myself an American, right?

Well, first of all, I don’t. Well, I am American, but I’m also Finnish, and I have a great affinity for the country and people of Honduras. I might identify more with the two latter cultures than my own in some ways. Perhaps that is simply because I am too immersed in “American culture” to “identify” with it externally.

Regardless of my personal cultural tendencies, I didn’t know much detail about our Founding Fathers, the principled basis of their passion for independence from Britain, or the strong religious roots of our first (imposing) “American” citizens. After having read the works of Benjamin Franklin, as well as those of William Penn and Mary Rowlandson, I find a great deal of meaning in our common history, and in the implications for understanding today’s America.

For example, I recall Benjamin Franklin speaking of the “self-made man” in his Autobiography. This self-made man was composed of such qualities as independent thought, diligence of mind and action, innovative endeavor, and a strict regiment for goodly character. In the idealistic imagination of the American consciousness, these qualities are all still highly regarded. The motivation for expression of these qualities however, have, in same cases anyway, found their way into the abyss of relativistic thought, ruthless survival instincts, and melodramatic world views. At the very least, these qualities have found their extremes in the nicks and crannies of modern, burst-at-the-seams American culture: “independent thought” divides families across many state borders, diligence of mind and action has swollen to leave no room for trial and error, innovative endeavor occupies itself with a superfluous number of idle amusements that may or may not actually be of benefit to the progress of humankind, and a regimented process of self-betterment is strictly defined and monitored by the self-righteous.

Do not mistake me for pessimistic. I find hope in the fact that society moves and changes. Stagnation is the true source of loss. That change, however, driven through the inseparably related mechanisms of change in society and change in the individual, must be guided with tempered virtue. Virtue can be lost in the over-expression of virtue, and history serves as a means to check ourselves: Were the goals of our founders worthy? If not, let’s reevaluate. If so, where are we on the path to those goals? Perhaps independence, diligence, innovation, and fierce self-betterment can be tempered with collaboration, forgiveness, purposefulness, and encouragement. Perhaps we all just need to work a little harder to “imitate Jesus and Socrates.”

What a World October 25, 2007

My classes this term consist of: “Search for Meaning,”  a philosophical study of the various world faiths, “Middle Eastern Women: In Their Own Words,” a study of women in recent history through memoir and interviews, an introduction to the “Evolution of People, Society, and Technology” from the anthropological perspective, and Statistics, the principles of hypothesis testing.  Also, the study of nutrition and its influence on our daily health throughout the life span, and, finally, a survey of early American literature, including the almost always overlooked perspective of the Native America, and Chicano people that, also, belong to America’s early history.

Through the material in each of these classes, I find that a flame of passion, a thirst for understanding and truth, is being fanned.  This is no general interest in the world and all the things I don’t know.  This is a desire for connection with each person around me, and the aspects of our shared world that tell their unique story.

Over many decades, civilizations have categorized the world, living and otherwise, into parts and pieces, and then assigned themselves to certain corners.   Over many decades these civilizations forget their origin, that in the beginning, there were no corners.  Their children are taught of the reality of their place, their proper division of space on this earth.  The corners grow into walls, with a door here and there, but these walls block out the light of dawn and twilight, those moments when the world proclaims its oneness to any who is watching.  But, no one is.   These civilizations continue on with their inward focused lives, neglecting to see the beauty of the world outside their arbitrary walls.

When instead we construct a vision made of a few bricks from the walls of all corners of the earth, wash it with that that is pure and clean, and then study it in the light of dawn, a common story can be discerned.  Dust, bits of moss, and cracks tell of crisis and victory, the never-ending, uphill battle of human existence.  And it is the same story.  Maybe there are different words for “life,” “God,” and “love,” but, ultimately, they have the same meaning.

Why can’t we see that?

When you wake up early one day, look out on the sky, and on the message of the sun that falls upon all parts of the earth alike.  Think of the telephones poles that line your street, the cars that are slowly beginning to crawl between the painted freeway lines, the children, just inside the windows across the street, who are waking to the smell of pancakes, or maybe just that of the dog that lies at the foot of their bed.  Watch the man of white hair and cane walk across the pavement, think of the persistent runner, already dripping with sweat as she passes the old man, and be grateful for the mailman who is stopping right at your front door.  Then, look back at your husband or wife, still asleep under the covers, and remember what love is like.  Find the moments in that morning that take you to a place where you begin to thirst for more, for love of those around you, for hope in where you will each find yourselves in only a few years, for the fact that despite the atrocities that humanity has, indeed, put itself through in the past, we are ever-advancing.  We are farther now than we were before.  We are further now than we were before.  We.

It’s a journey, not a destination. September 14, 2007

I read an article today entitled, “8 Things No One Tells You About Marriage.” Appropriate, I know, given that I’ve, apparently, got about one month – no, exactly – to understand these eight things! Hmph.

The article just so happened to be one of many showcased on MSN’s homepage. You know how that happens sometimes – the things going on in your life seem to pop up everywhere. I haven’t decided if I believe that phenomena has more to do with the Alchemist’s theory, that everything in the world convenes to aid you in fulfilling your Personal Legend, or if it is that you notice things in the world simply because they are on your mind.

Needless to say, marriage has definitely been on my mind! Alex and I have had many exploratory discussions about what we think we can guess about what marriage will be like. (Got that? “…what we can guess…” Ha. That’s right!) This is all in the light of the Writings of the Baha’i Faith, which means these conversations can get pretty involved. “What does it mean to become “even as one soul” while recognizing that each partner will always have an independent relationship with God?” What is our responsibility, then, in terms of assisting in each other’s personal growth and success? What is the significance and the implications of marriage being an actual “Institution of God”? What can we understand about this step in our lives now, and what do we simply need to experience?

While this article was a bit less ‘out there’ in terms of it’s philosophical spectrum, it did offer a few pedazos of thought that touched on something deep and resonating.

The author, Ylonda Gault Caviness, the wife of a ten+ year marriage, supposes, “When you get married, you think that as long as you pick the right guy — your soul mate — you’ll be happy together until death do you part.” She then reveals, “Then you wake up one day and realize that no matter how great he is, he doesn’t make you happy every moment of every day. In fact, some days you might wonder why you were in such a hurry to get married in the first place. You think to yourself, This is so not what I signed up for.”

The kicker? Her challenge: “Actually, it is.”

Caviness goes on to describe, “You just didn’t realize it the day you and your guy were cramming wedding cake into each other’s faces, clinking champagne glasses, and dancing the Electric Slide. Back then you had no idea that “for better and for worse” doesn’t kick in only when life hands you a tragedy. Your relationship mettle is, in fact, most tested on a daily basis, when the utter sameness of day-in/day-out togetherness can sometimes make you want to run for the hills.”

This is where you begin to wonder about your choice, about getting married at all. Maybe there’s a little disappointment, a little sadness at supposed things lost. Then she clarifies: “It’s not him. It’s just you, letting go of that sugarcoated fantasy of marriage that danced in your eyes the day you and your beloved posed in all those soft-focus wedding photos. You’re learning that marriage isn’t a destination; it’s a journey filled with equal parts excitement and tedium.”

When I read those last few lines, I imagined the life of two people who got married and then found themselves at home, with all the correct mixing bowls and towel sets, 9-5 jobs and evening engagements, but without that magical bit.

When I imagine the life of a couple, who very well may have all the same kitchenware and linens filling their cupboards, but has ‘the magic,’ I also see their expectation for something more! They look at their lives and those fancy new gifts and think, “These are just the tools! These are the means to an end that is unimagineably real, the best part being, we have no idea what it is.” Their growth has not reached it’s limit simply because they can mark an ‘x’ next to the words, “Get married,” as a sort of proof to everyone who is watching. Their life is about expectation. Their life is about an expectation to fall flat on their faces, but get right back up again; an expectation that their life will absolutely be, blissfully difficult.

And I am so excited!!!

The Science of Storytelling August 23, 2007

See “Thoughts & Questions” for post including a link to an article from the blog Science and Reason regarding mirror neurons and their connection to story telling.

What other facets of reality are yet to be discovered (big question, I know)?  Are there sources right under our noses which tell us the answers to that question?  Do the Sacred Words of world faiths give insight to spiritual discoveries yet to be made?

Welcome! March 3, 2007

Like organisms in a single body, we are each a member of a greater whole.   We are each an integral component of the human race.  As I think about it, this basically means, it’s not all about me (I seem to remember my mother saying something about that years ago).

For this reason, while this blog is intended to be a place for musings, ideas and general news from my life, I hope to refine any posts on such themes to that which can benefit both the larger whole that I am a part of, as well as my overall conception of how I fit into that whole.  In otherwords, I’d like for this not to be all about me!  Instead, I’d like to see this spot, in the ephemeral space that is the world wide web, be something beneficial to those who come across it. 

So, please browse at your leisure, comment and contest, and take away from this what you will!

All good things,  Tia